I miss you

     

                   I miss you, and I know you are there somewhere. Buried in so many forms of yours sometimes very rarely you peek at me from the shoulder of your other self, crowded by your own forms, you look at me...your eyes meet mine and you get lost in your own crowd.And in those rarest moments when my guy makes an attempt to look into my eyes.I feel seen, My presence in your life is validated.I feel like I am falling in love with you all over again. 

                  It reminds me of those moments when you are close to me , close enough to breathe on to my skin , look into my eyes and stay silent. Your silence is the loudest; it says all those unsaid words, unexpressed emotions. The only thing I want to read is “Love ". Your little eyes filled with so much love for everyone. I wonder if people see the same in you what I see, or is it an intentional act that you show a different person to others, and sometimes you hide yourself from me too. I could see that you are hiding but I don't know what it is, which you are hiding from me.

                  I love the complications involved in love, life and relationships. I wonder how you feel, I wonder how you are coping with that. I cannot talk about it as it causes an irreparable damage. You are fragile and brittle, I do not want to break any piece of you which I cannot put back together.

                  I know that my Love is not enough, sometimes in life we seek much more than "Love".

There are people who are deprived of love and there are people deprived of peace, there are people who live for themselves, there are people who live with own choices and yet unhappy, There are people who live for others, there are people who live with o choices and yet unhappy. There are people who lie on other's choices and try to find happiness, and there are people who lie for others and forget their own happiness.

             I do not know what is important right now , to be able survive , to be able to be happy with what I have , to be able to get a chance to find myself or to be able to let loose myself and put no efforts in finding anything or anybody or even my own self.

            

             Your thoughts  linger , I think , I imagine and at some point I shake myself and say , " that won't happen.." sometimes I feel happy in my own imaginations. Life is not predictable any more, even in the past I used to think that life is unpredictable but everything seemed more definable back then, but not anymore.

             I am in so head over heels for the love of my life and yet I see myself standing nowhere near to him. It doesn't hurt anymore. It's like I was warned about being estranged it's just that the time wasn't declared. Every min, every second spent together is sacred as its part of building memories, building memories is gud, but to start living with them is excruciating. But I know at some point I need to start, it could be tomorrow, it cud be couple of months, it cud be couple of years or much later than that.

          What is satisfying is, that he has made sure that I understand what I mean to him, and I suppose he has a little clue what he means to me. I am assured that the love of my life knows that he means the world to me. And makes sure that I feel loved every single time he looks at me, talks to me, touches me or holds me in silence...I know that he loves me.I am always held with love whenever I need and always.