Thursday, 6 March 2014

Just another luv note..


     I blushed and smiled cheek to cheek when I typed the blog title.Last night when I was accessing my mails at work, I saw a small two lettered reply to my email, and my heart fluttered.Sometimes, I want to think and be reasonable and  practical and try to think that there has to be something  more practical which makes me feel like that..but can’t reason it, can’t figure it out, love cannot make you so stupid that, just the thought of you being online at the same moment makes me feels closer to you.Is it lame…?? I don’t know, but I wanna feel  happy that such naïve thoughts still exist in me, regardless how old I am growing, regardless the fact that I won’t be in my late twenties anymore..I will be 30 soon, doesn’t change that I am still shy like a teenager who fell in luv with you, and may be at heart I am still a young confused teenager, I know that you say that I  think like an old lady….to you..but I am not :/ ……but I luv u so much..wat ever you think of me.
As we were talking the other day  that thinking  out loud is sometimes gud, this is me thinking out loud about so many pointless things…but I am sure, the moment I will start writing I will forget everything coz I will start reliving the moments spent together and drift away.And I am ok with it.My luv note is like a conversation I have with you, random and sometimes ..mostly it’s meaningful but sometimes it’s random and goes no where, just like this post.I hope this luv note brings out smile on your face.Tell me you are…smiling right now.I wonder what were you doing up so late…..after this line I will have questions and few personal things to say which I would prefer to talk to you or may be inbox you but not on a public post….so I will stop here.
       I re-read the story we were talking about and I realized it was nothing spectacular but it was a cute lil luv story and I smiled by the end of it and my reaction was….” Aaaaww how sweet”  hope that’s the same reaction I get from you.I will try to diversify my writing and try to write about lot of different things…but mostly these stories  will revolve around luv and romance and  some love making, hope u won’t mind   ;) think of me while you read them.
   Be my muse, inspire me, make me strong..and stay strong…luv me and let me luv u

“Yours and could never be anyone else’s...”



Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Living in memories
Living in Imaginations 
Memories do no fade away..
The very less what I have seen you
Few embraces
Few kisses 
Few promises  
have made me live..
I live the moments in my imaginations
build memories which were never lived...
built a home
Had the life which we never had
which we will never have
but your love is enough for this time
you made me believe that it's not a myth...
Love exists...

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Emptiness

So filled with emptiness

That there's no place for anything

directed to a direction-less destination 

 a destination called "  nowhere"



Monday, 14 January 2013

I miss you

     

                   I miss you, and I know you are there somewhere. Buried in so many forms of yours sometimes very rarely you peek at me from the shoulder of your other self, crowded by your own forms, you look at me...your eyes meet mine and you get lost in your own crowd.And in those rarest moments when my guy makes an attempt to look into my eyes.I feel seen, My presence in your life is validated.I feel like I am falling in love with you all over again. 

                  It reminds me of those moments when you are close to me , close enough to breathe on to my skin , look into my eyes and stay silent. Your silence is the loudest; it says all those unsaid words, unexpressed emotions. The only thing I want to read is “Love ". Your little eyes filled with so much love for everyone. I wonder if people see the same in you what I see, or is it an intentional act that you show a different person to others, and sometimes you hide yourself from me too. I could see that you are hiding but I don't know what it is, which you are hiding from me.

                  I love the complications involved in love, life and relationships. I wonder how you feel, I wonder how you are coping with that. I cannot talk about it as it causes an irreparable damage. You are fragile and brittle, I do not want to break any piece of you which I cannot put back together.

                  I know that my Love is not enough, sometimes in life we seek much more than "Love".
There are people who are deprived of love and there are people deprived of peace, there are people who live for themselves, there are people who live with own choices and yet unhappy, There are people who live for others, there are people who live with o choices and yet unhappy. There are people who lie on other's choices and try to find happiness, and there are people who lie for others and forget their own happiness.

             I do not know what is important right now , to be able survive , to be able to be happy with what I have , to be able to get a chance to find myself or to be able to let loose myself and put no efforts in finding anything or anybody or even my own self.

            
             Your thoughts  linger , I think , I imagine and at some point I shake myself and say , " that won't happen.." sometimes I feel happy in my own imaginations. Life is not predictable any more, even in the past I used to think that life is unpredictable but everything seemed more definable back then, but not anymore.

             I am in so head over heels for the love of my life and yet I see myself standing nowhere near to him. It doesn't hurt anymore. It's like I was warned about being estranged it's just that the time wasn't declared. Every min, every second spent together is sacred as its part of building memories, building memories is gud, but to start living with them is excruciating. But I know at some point I need to start, it could be tomorrow, it cud be couple of months, it cud be couple of years or much later than that.

          What is satisfying is, that he has made sure that I understand what I mean to him, and I suppose he has a little clue what he means to me. I am assured that the love of my life knows that he means the world to me. And makes sure that I feel loved every single time he looks at me, talks to me, touches me or holds me in silence...I know that he loves me.I am always held with love whenever I need and always.

              

Thursday, 25 October 2012

I want it to be " Simple "


       Yes, I like things to be simple and certainly everyone does.It's not out of choice that I think of both sides of an argument.That's what I am , everything is personal and emotional for me and that's why my point of view looks complicated but it's not.Because for me life is all about love , friends are family.Lies scare me to death, they are like ghosts but we all have skeletons in our closets.


      I need to meet people and make friends but I don't need to be emotionally attached to them, how is that possible..??People get married without even knowing if they love each other or not , without even knowing that they may fall out of love later, or there may be no chance for them fall in love at all.


      My best frend asked why do I make things complicated.At this point of life I should be clear about what I think , or about how I see the world but I am not.I see people living under the same roof top who hate each other to the core.I see people living life together coz they have no other option.And this is nothing new, but it took me a while to see this.

    It is really really difficult to believe that life is not always about love , you , your comfort zones , your needs , your choices , your likes or dislikes.The ones who are able to sustain life with a smile on their faces while all the odds of the life are standing right infront of them, are real survivors, fighters , warriors and those are the ones who always get a second chance in life.

    I think and think and I think that reach nowhere by thinking and hence my frend says that I make things complicated.I wish things to be simple too.for me life was categorized in gud and bad ,or  happy and sad , or white  and black.I understands that everything doesn't have to be at extremes  there are middle points.I have accepted that theoretically , have seen people choosing the middle points.It's just I haven't been able to implement that in " my life ".

  It is going to be a slow process for me and  I think I will be able to pull it out.May be with age I might actually accept it and implement it , And I am willing to give it a shot and try to make things simple.

     

     

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

RAVANAYANA

  






    It was a great read.We all know about Rama and Ravana and the way it has been put by " Anand Neelakantan " is amazing.No matter how good the story is , a great story teller makes it even more interesting.I am not very much into mythology , all the  Ramayana I know is from the movies which gives us enough to understand that Dharma always wins over Adharma.

   He has written something really interesting stuff in here



QUOTING   "  ANAND NEELAKANTAN  "



Steadfast spouse
It will be interesting to ask this simple question. Had Ravana won the final war instead of Rama, would our concept of right and wrong have undergone any change?
Maybe, the poets would have told us that Ravana followed the Dharma to the last word. History is always written by the victors. His abduction of Sita might have been justified as a revenge for mutilation of his sister by Lakshmana. When Rama could not accept his wife without a test of purity by fire, Ravana had stood by his wife in a much more serious circumstance.
Valmiki Ramayana speaks about an incident when Angada and other vanaras entered Ravana’s harem and molested Mandodari. This was done as a war strategy to prevent Ravana from completing his prayer that might have made him invincible. However, Ravana accepted his wife even after the incident and was not worried about what the world would think about her. There was no Agnipariksha for Mandodari.
This may earn him lots of fans from the modern day feminists, but a deeper reading of the epic will make them understand that while Ravana could charm any number of ladies to his bed, he was not above using force whenever he felt necessary.

Life philosophy
The Jabalists may argue that, in contrast, the materialistic Ravana lived his life in his own terms, ruled a huge empire, wallowed in luxury, stood by his wife when required and died a warrior’s death in his old age. The arguments the conventional society will offer them, like Rama’s life shows how one has to be steadfast in one’s Dharma irrespective of the consequences, will only invite their derision.
Justifications such as a better afterlife or the attainment of Moksha also will not have any meaning for Jabalists as they do not believe in the unknown. They will just point out the contrasting life and death of the Dharmic Rama as against that of the materialistic Ravana for supporting their argument.
The Jabalists may even say that, people may be worshipping Sri Rama as God, but they follow Ravana in practice. The mad rush towards the materialistic pleasure that marks the modern lifestyle shows that people have embraced Ravana’s life philosophy of enjoying life at any cost rather than the self- sacrificing Dharma of Rama.
Like so many Dasaras of the past three thousand years or more, Ravana will get burst into a million pieces in every street of India this Dasara too. The Asura king will be roaring with laughter at the irony of it, for he knows that despite the deification of his foe, it is his life philosophy that has finally won out among the people.
In ultimate reckoning, the great materialist philosopher has the last laugh, for he has achieved what the great avatars, prophets, saints, Mahatmas, Bodhisattvas and sons of God have collectively failed to achieve despite all their preaching  holy books, efforts and sacrifices since the dawn of civilisation. Going up in flames a million times over and over is a small price to pay for the universal practice, if not acceptance, of one’s life philosophy.


     Looks like a great mind who has great way of story telling . Ravana was Asura , we don't follow Ravana  but we do invest more time in materialistic things , it is tough to follow the righteousness of Rama but deep down we believe in it and we want to follow it.But it is difficult and since he implemented that all his life and  he is Purushottam  and he is the God and we are not. We are not following the philosophy of Asura but we are proving that following the right path of Dharma is tough ....really tough.
     This makes me think of my own life , where have I been and where am I right now.It's right to myself but not as per the so called guidelines of Dharma.As Indian woman is always expected to put the family first but sub consciously every woman wants to think about herself too but she is not allowed to.But the day a woman stands up for herself , all the good she has done goes down the flush and she is labeled as the most selfish woman on earth who doesn't understand love , relationships , emotions and Values.
   It's not wrong to find your happiness , and happiness is how we define it, it doesn't  have to be laughs and joy all the time.Sometimes you are happy to just to find yourself.You may not know what you want but you know what you don't want and that could the first step in knowing yourself.And it's never too late to take that first  step.


Happy Vijaya Dahami to all you great people out there.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Freedom



        When I let loose the reins of the past and moved ahead , stepped into a room with a sleepy head opening the door for me and letting me in without even knowing who I was, my life changed .Some how that place seemed untouched by the pollution and heat.The cool breeze of the morning and your reassuring voice by my side was the definition of  my Freedom and still holds good.My Heart beating really fast, panic and excitement both at the same time and a sense of liberation and your soothing voice by my side was  indeed an excellent taste of freedom .

      Sometimes I miss you , I feel bad when I say this when you trying your level best to be with me and yet I say , I miss you.In a very short span of time a lot has changed, you have changed ..I have changed  but the path which we had crossed together had given us beautiful memories.Good times , bad times sometimes they were worst and some are making it worst even now.

    I was amazed that you are still willing to fight , and that made me realize that sub consciously, I had lost the will to fight life.But then when I see you going through such a phase of life, you say that you don't have it in you to fight but your conscious wants you to fight , win and live.I just hope if I get atleast 10% of your courage, I will stop whining about life.

   I am an open book to myself and am not able to comprehend and conclude what exactly I am .I was telling a dear frend that the reason why we cry is that we know the problem and we know the solution , we just don't have the courage to step forward.I very proudly said that we need to create a motive , I created a motive stepped ahead and jumped out of one problem.Now I am clueless of what exactly I want.

    I have a very defined object of affection in my life , and yet my life is uncertain , not because of that object but because of me and remains of my past.Life appears to be running to fast and too slow at the same time.But one thing is sure that a part of me has partially reached to the destination  and some part of me  is still trying to figure out.

     I always knew what I wanted and yet I ended up where I never belonged.And now I don't know what I want but I certainly know what I don't want.I don't know where to go , but I know where not to go.Sometimes it's good to lie in the moment , and I am literally living in the moment.

      All I can say is , I love you and I had always respected and loved the way you have stood by me.I don't wanna loose you.I love you and you mean the world to me